When Caregiving Support Leads to Frustration: A Lesson from the Field

In my 30 years of working with families across all kinds of caregiving situations, I’ve learned that even with experience, I’m still human. Every now and then, frustration creeps in—not because caregivers don't care, but because sometimes, they can't see the help that's right in front of them.

This week, I was reminded again that behind every “no” or hesitation, there’s almost always a deeper story.

The Situation

I recently worked with a family who has been caring for both parents at home for nearly a decade. Their dedication is undeniable.

Yet when it came to introducing a lift to help their mom—now mostly confined to bed—they resisted. They worried about hurting her. They felt overwhelmed by the idea of learning something new. They believed the lift might make things worse instead of better.

At first, I felt frustrated. I knew from experience that the lift was safe. I even offered demonstrations, chances for them to experience it firsthand. Still, the door stayed shut.

The Shift

When I stepped back, I realized something important: This wasn’t about stubbornness.

This was about exhaustion, grief, and fear all tangled together.

These siblings had been fighting for their parents’ dignity for years—battling the system, covering for absent caregivers, sacrificing jobs, reshaping their lives around their parents’ needs.

They had just recently lost their father after a difficult decline, and now they’re facing the likely loss of their mother too, all within a year's time.

No wonder they’re protective. No wonder change feels like one more impossible thing.

The Lesson

Sometimes, we walk into situations as helpers with new tools, fresh eyes, and good intentions—only to forget the sheer emotional weight that families carry long before we arrive.

In this case, pushing harder wasn’t the answer. What was needed wasn’t another solution- it was support. It was acknowledgment.

The Action

So instead of more recommendations, I’m sending them something else: a thank-you card. Not for their decisions, but for their relentless love.

For showing up. For caring fiercely, even when it hurts.

Because sometimes the best support we can offer is simple: I see you. Thank you.

Closing Reflection

If you know a family caregiver, maybe today is the day to reach out.

Not with advice.

Not with fixes.

But with a few simple words:

"I see how much you’re doing. Thank you."

And if you are the family caregiver. Here is a Thank you from someone who knows and sees the sacrifices, the overwhelm, the exhaustion and the moments of connection.

Small gestures matter. Maybe even more than we realize.

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