The Burden We Carry—and How We Choose to Carry It: A Call to Caregivers in a Failing System

There’s a conversation we need to start having more openly—especially now, when so many supports are unraveling right before our eyes.

We live in a time of deep uncertainty. The systems that are supposed to help us—healthcare, long-term care, insurance, even family—are stretched thin or barely functioning. And yet, somehow, caregivers are expected to keep going. Quietly. Graciously. With no margin for error.

I’ve worked in homes for decades as an Occupational Therapist, and I see it more now than ever: the people doing the hardest work are the ones getting the least support. The ones propping up others are the ones who can’t afford to fall.

And here’s what I know to be true:

We can’t afford to keep waiting for a system that’s failing us.

When Support Is Promised but Never Comes

You may have paid into Medicare for 40 years.

You may have agreed to Short term Rehab- only to receive 15mins of therapy a day.

You may have been told respite was available.

You may have called five different offices trying to get someone—anyone—to help.

You many have been told that home care can provide aides.

And still, it’s you doing the work.

You’re the one lifting, feeding, driving, advocating, repeating the same instructions, remembering the meds, doing treatments and noticing the changes.

It’s no wonder so many caregivers are burnt out, overwhelmed, or quietly disappearing into isolation.

But This Is Not a Story of Despair

This is a story of power—because while we may not be able to control a failing system, we can control how we show up inside it.

We can:

• Connect with each other, instead of going it alone.

• Share what works, instead of silently struggling.

• Call out broken systems, without internalizing guilt or shame.

• Shift how we view this care, not as a burden to hide, but as a bond to honor.

  
  

I’m reminded of a viral story from years ago—a young wife, carrying her disabled husband on her back up a flight of stairs. Their home wasn’t accessible yet, and she had a choice: leave him stuck, or carry him.

When asked how she did it, she said, “What am I going to do—leave him there? This is what you do when you love someone.”

That kind of love is fierce.

But so is the exhaustion.

And that’s what too many of us are doing: carrying loved ones physically, emotionally, logistically—without acknowledgment, without backup.

How We Carry It Matters

This work is heavy. Let’s not pretend otherwise. But how we carry it can either crush us—or change us.

You deserve to feel proud of what you do.

You deserve to say, “I’m doing a good job,” even when it’s messy.

You deserve to not absorb the hurtful words of a caree who’s scared or suffering.

You deserve to stop chasing people who won’t help.

You deserve to protect your energy from those who drain it.

We can’t make people care.

We can’t force broken family members to show up.

We can’t bend dysfunctional systems to our will.

But we can take a stand for ourselves and one another.

Building Something Better—Together

I created Empowered KARE because I was tired of watching caregivers burn out in silence. Because I’ve seen what happens when caregivers come together, share their truth, and support one another—without shame.

Inside our community, we will talk about the hard stuff:

• What to do when there’s no one to help

• How to reengage your caree in daily life

• What boundaries actually look like when you’re the only one showing up

• How to stop seeing caregiving as erasure—and start seeing it as resilience

  
  

We don’t sugarcoat it. We don’t pretend.

But we do lift each other up.

We problem-solve.

We laugh.

We cry.

We move forward.

Because staying stuck in resentment only keeps us trapped.

And you’ve got too much heart, too much wisdom, and too much strength to waste on that.

You’re Not Alone—Even If It Feels Like It

So if you’re sitting there today, wondering how much longer you can do this

—If you’re exhausted by the red tape, the silence, the half-hearted “help”

—If you’re proud of what you do, but deeply tired

I see you. And you are not alone.

You’re not doing this wrong.

You’re doing something incredibly hard. And that matters.

Let’s stop waiting for broken systems to save us.

Let’s save each other.

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