Caregiving Secret Sauce

I’ve seen a lot of caregiving situations over the years. Some families have multiple hands on deck. Others have paid help.

But one of the most remarkable caregiving success stories I’ve ever witnessed had none of that.

No rotating team of helpers. No grandkids stepping in (even though they lived next door) other family lived far away. Just one devoted daughter, Cathy, and her mother, Maureen.

When I first met them, they were coming onto hospice services. And I say they intentionally—because caregiving is a family experience, not just a patient one.

That’s one of the things I love about the hospice model: we support the whole family, not just the individual receiving care.

To be honest, I didn’t think Maureen would be with us long. She was completely bed-bound, on a catheter, barely able to follow instructions. Frail doesn’t even begin to describe it.

But Cathy had other ideas.

“This isn’t my mom,” she told me. “My mom’s of hearty stock. She used to garden. She used to sew. She used to fix things in the snow. This is not who she is.”

And from day one, Cathy engaged her mother. She talked to her like a partner, not a passive patient. She invited her into every part of the day, even when Maureen couldn’t respond. She expected participation.

“Mom, I need your help folding this laundry.”

“Mom, help me lay out this pattern.”

“Mom, can you hold this while I finish up?”

Nothing fancy. Nothing overwhelming. Just small, meaningful, real ways to stay involved.

And slowly, things began to change.

As Maureen’s brain recovered—whether from infection, illness, or something we couldn’t see on scans—so did her spirit. She started to regain strength.

She could pivot to a wheelchair. She helped with dishes. She folded laundry. She planted flowers at the table come spring.

Eventually, she got discharged from hospice.

Not because she was totally independent, but because she had made real gains. She could toilet with help. Shower. Get in and out of the car. She was living again.

And the best part? I drove by their house a month ago and saw Maureen out in the driveway with her walker.

I nearly cried.

This didn’t happen because of a miracle cure. It happened because of one caregiver’s steady belief in her mother’s value—and her continued role in her own life.

That’s the secret sauce.

We caregivers think we have to do everything. But sometimes, the most powerful care we can give is the opportunity for our loved ones to still give something too.

You don’t need fancy equipment. You don’t need a big team.

You just need to believe that purpose doesn’t retire.

Whether you’ve been caregiving for 10 years or just started, you can begin handing back little things.

Expect resistance. Be patient. Celebrate small wins.

Because when someone feels useful again, something changes. I’ve seen it.

And if Cathy and Maureen could do it, maybe you can too.

Caregiving isn’t meant to be a solo job. If you’ve been looking for a place where you can feel heard, supported, and inspired—

 is it.

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